Altho we had a wonderful time there and have many happy memories, the trip began with a terrible plane ride. Working thru my anxiety of traveling with Lucy would have been helpful for the plane ride to Paris. Lucy had this ear infection that we were treating with Amoxicilin. She seemed to be feeling much better but Monday morning (travel day) we noticed some spots on her back. Apparently she had a terrible allergy to the antibiotic. That just got worse as the day progressed. She was whiny pretty much the whole 7hr ride but literally screamed the last hour and 1/2. We were "those people" with the screaming kid. This is what she looked like the day we arrived.
Nothing would calm her down and i was literally going insane, just ask brian! Needless to say when we arrived in Paris i hated France, hated everyone, i was so disappointed in Lucy. I was so disappointed in my self. I just didn't think i could be a mom! then i'm looking at my belling going - why am i doing this again?? Ok so it was a bad day.
It took me a few days to get used to the time change, feel rested & sane again. Once i got unpacked and went for a walk with Grammy and Lucy i felt much better. It was like oh ok i'm in France, that was bad, but this place is amazing. Then i just wanted to enjoy it.
My in-laws live 5 min from the beach. One night we got some KFC (i know in France right?) and had a picnic. It was the first time for Lucy to be at the Ocean. She had been to Smith Mountain Lake and to a little spring in FL. I was so excited that it was in France. It was kinda chilly but so beautiful. I had my camcorder out and was taking it all in.
She loved the sand so much - she ate some. (which she of course threw up in the middle of the night along with her KFC fries)
This is my handsome father-in-law Mike. i think i kinda look like i could be his daughter in this picture. He's so great, always so patient and kind with me. Love him so much!
Lucy and i havin' a good ol' time
leaving the beach was the hardest thing for her tho. Her love affair with sand will go on for ever i'm sure.
After realizing that i had let myself think those thoughts on the plane and in Paris. I knew i needed to spend some time with the Lord confessing my sin and letting Him heal places in my heart that were unkept. Lucy was not sleeping thru the night and every time she would wake up when i hadn't had enough sleep i kept getting crazier and crazier. It was like during the day i was happy American tourist in France but at night i was a monster mother wanting to give up on everything good. My wonderful in-laws were so patient with me, making me delicious French coffee and letting me nap while they watched Lucy was so special.
They even let Brian and i spend some time together while they hung with Luce a few times. Dad dropped us off at this nature walk close to their house. It was so special just to spend time with Brian. He is going to school right taking a degree in Spiritual Formation. Basically to be more like Jesus. I really see him growing so much everyday and becoming more like Christ. He is such a rock for me. This day was no different. We talked at length about what my issues were. Somewhere mixed in with the bad trip, pregnancy hormones & lack of sleep, there were some other things going on. I had this realization that i am controlled by my emotions and well basically i'm a spoiled brat and can't handle when things go wrong. I just go insane. literally. He prayed with me and left me alone for some solitude while he walked a ways down the path. He just led me right back to Jesus the only one that could heal me. Brian is going to be such a great spiritual director one day, i mean he already is for me.
He said something to me in Paris to the effect of Jesus striping me of everything, till nothings left but love.
Hebrews says that even Jesus, tho he was the Son learned obedience thru suffering. I knew Jesus obeyed but he had to LEARN that? I really think God is teaching me to persevere in my own suffering. I know others suffering is so much more than mine and i desire with all my heart to be the kind of woman to be strong, but my threshold is so low right now. All i can do is cling to my Savior as the boat rocks in my stormy emotions. I know he will make me well as i continue to seek His face. One of the things i'm learning to do is be thankful in all things. Thanksgiving helps defuse usually any thing that makes me crazy. I also read psalm 116 over and over in the middle of the night when i just couldn't stay calm.
I started by saying - Jesus teach me how to suffer, teach me how to obey.
1
I love the LORD, because He hears
My voice and my supplications.
2 Because He has inclined His ear to me,
Therefore I shall call upon Him as long as I live.
3 The cords of death encompassed me
And the terrors of Sheol came upon me;
I found distress and sorrow.
4 Then I called upon the name of the LORD:
"O LORD, I beseech You, save my life!"
5 Gracious is the LORD, and righteous;
Yes, our God is compassionate.
6 The LORD preserves the simple; (mothers)
I was brought low, and He saved me.
7 Return to your rest, O my soul,
For the LORD has dealt bountifully with you.
8 For You have rescued my soul from death,
My eyes from tears,
My feet from stumbling.
9 I shall walk before the LORD
In the land of the living. (tomorrow morning)I think this was one of the psalms read at passover too. definitely the cry of my soul in those times.
I love this picture cause it is so symbolic of what happen that day. I began a new walk down a new path. He leads me in paths of righteousness, for His name sake.
It was just so fun to see her spending time with my in-laws they love her so much and we will never forget this wonderful time together. Lucy & Grammy watering her plants. (she's obsessed with water too)
Labels: Brian, France, Jesus teaching me, Lucy
